Attention Shoppers

In the next week many of us are going to do something we don’t normally do at any other time of the year - go into a record shop and buy presents for our nearest and dearest. That’s a funny term, nearest and dearest, because for most of us buying presents at Christmas time is a complete nightmare; in reality we know next to nothing about our nearest and dearest, and to make matters worse we do this annual excursion unprepared.

Don’t believe that you know nothing about your nearest and dearest? Ask yourself what was the last film, book, movie, album they saw or read, went to or listened to? Do they have the latest…Do they watch…? If you can answer all of these fair play to you, but for most people, it’s a bridge too far.

Sorry I don’t know your daughter, and 'your man with the hair' could be anybody from Jimi Hendrix to Hozier, and often turns out to be someone with no hair and/or a woman. I’m actually quite knowledgeable - that’s how I got the gig - but you keep throwing the wrong lyrics or song title at me won’t lead to anything but a verbal game of Guess Who. Even if you don’t know what that special someone wants, if you can tell the shop assistant what they already have they will be able to recommend you something lesser-known and probably better than what they already have.

It’s a regular thing for retail workers to have to leave the shop floor because they’ve been asked such a profoundly dumb question that they had to sit down. Think I’m joking? I once had a boss whose motto was “You haven’t had a bad day in retail until you’ve been asked if these stairs go up as well as down.”

So this Christmas, don’t be the frantic person so stressed out by Christmas shopping that asks, “Do these stairs go up as well as down.” You’re better than that, so put a little effort into your loved ones presents, by pre-planning.

People who work in record stores do not have folders with clippings from all the review sections of papers and magazines. They should, but they don’t. Asking them about the album reviewed in The Sunday Business Post is not the way to go. Rip the review out of the paper or put the name into your phone and bring it to the store.

The same goes for radio shows. The man or woman behind the counter didn’t hear the album recommended on the radio earlier today because they were busy welding a smile onto their face as they listened to Adele sing Hello for the umpteenth time today. Again, jot it down or stick it in your phone.

Don’t buy someone vinyl unless they have a vinyl player - again, I don’t know your daughter so I don’t know. Ask one of her friends or another relative in advance. It’ll save you looking silly on Christmas Day and save them a trip to return the item. That’s, of course, if you kept the receipt. Everybody knows how much a record, DVD etc. is so put the receipt in with the present. This saves hassle for all three parties in this transaction.

High value items such as PlayStation etc. sell out fast despite the ridiculous purchase price. If you want to buy one, buy one early. Don’t come into a store looking for one on Christmas Eve - more than likely it isn’t going to work in your favour. If the item is out of stock, remember, it’s not the person behind the counter's fault you’re going home empty-handed. It’s your fault for not buying it sooner...or ordering it.

Most stores can order things in for you, but just like the Post Office, if you don’t get in before a certain date it isn’t going to happen. If the person behind the counter says, “They’ll order it for you but they can’t guarantee it’ll arrive on time,” you need to arrange an alternative. Don’t come back to the store saying they’ve ruined your Christmas – they warned you this could happen.

Also, most stores will ring you when your item arrives and you’d be amazed at how many people simply don’t arrive to collect their high-value item. If you order a PlayStation and you don’t collect it, you’ve probably ruined somebody else’s Christmas.

True, Christmas is the busiest time of the year for record shops, but if they don’t sell that stock before Christmas chances are they will be stuck with it and lose money on it. This is why most stores release unclaimed ordered items back for sale to the general public after a set time on Christmas Eve. Don’t be caught out, get in early and get your order. You can’t blame the record shop for selling your PlayStation as closing time approaches.

Record shops' inventory systems are staggeringly outdated, many of those systems only updated after the close of business. When you ask the person behind the counter to check if they have something, if it says there’s one in stock, it could’ve been sold hours ago. So, don’t get too upset with them if they can’t find it. It could’ve been sold. It could be in someone’s basket queuing in the store, or picked up by a customer and left down in the wrong place again, and will only be located when the store is re-alphabetised when the shop is closed.

"Do these stairs go up as well as down?"

Record store workers get asked the same questions every day. Do you have x CD or y DVD etc. Personally I never said, “We don’t have that” to a customer without knowing for a fact we didn’t have it, and in my experience, 99% of my colleagues were exactly the same. What’s the point in lying to someone? You have x hours to kill until you go home. Looking for something chips away at that time and makes you look good when you find something and your boss hears the customer thanking you for looking. I never just said no because I couldn’t be arsed. I said no because I’d already looked for somebody else today and we didn’t have it. And don’t forget with the way the industry is today, every sale counts and keeps that person in a job.

Want to make the queue move faster? Don’t stare at the person behind the counter - locate your wallet, store card etc. and be ready to go when they call "next". Don’t be the asshole who throws their purchases at the cashier and sulks the whole time, never uttering a word and having to be asked if they want a bag three times because they think they are too good to be there. Don’t be the person who unfurls their entire life story on the cashier either, especially if you just spent ten minutes eyeballing them because it’s taking so long. A simple hello, and thanks, will suffice. And hand the money to the person, don’t count it out onto the counter - they have to count it when they pick it up. You are only delaying yourself by throwing coins on the counter instead of handing them over.

People who work in retail are not beneath you. They are regular people with families and kids. They are probably working their way through college and could easily wind up sat in the cubicle next to you in work one day. Don’t be the person who can’t respect the retail worker. They are not out to get you or do you wrong. They are treated badly enough by their managers as it is, don’t add to their woes. Do a bit of research before you enter the store, it’ll make your life and theirs much easier.